Choosing Pleasure
Pleasure oppression is a great tool of our misogynistic culture. To heal, we must choose pleasure.
When we oppress women’s pleasure, we oppress her power.
(That’s true for all genders, and pleasure oppression for women has been a tool for centuries to keep women “in their place”.)
In the case of s//xual violation or trauma of all kinds, it is common for our pleasure center to go offline.
Why is that?
When the place of injury is our place of pleasure, our vulnerable and honorable entrance to our sacred temple, we build a fortress to protect. When the wrong people get in, we do not want to let anyone in for a time.
Sometimes we stay in that freeze place, not allowing anyone in, not even ourselves, for weeks, months or years. The temple within the fortress walls becomes dusty. Cobwebs grow. Temples thrive when they are a place of true worship.
This separation keeps us protected from more injury AND protected from joy and connection.
What if we could stay open in the face of harm? What would that look and feel like? What would it take?
What if we could choose s//x and pleasure with self or beloved, even when we are not naturally feeling our turn on due to trauma.
This choice is not for everyone, nor is it the right choice every time. And it could be a choice to lean into.
In light of a recent violation, my own s//x drive has been practically non-existent. I made a choice afterwards, to stay s//xually engaged with my partner anyway. Every time we connect, I feel grateful. Some of the times, it is harder than others to access pleasure in the typical sensory way we think of it.
And the pleasure of connection, leads to a sense of belonging, which is what trauma severs. Especially in our current climate where the “perpetrator” can be a beloved member of community and get a pass from his actions and choices because he is “trusted”.
Choosing connection and pleasure in the face of this and many other misogynist paradigms that seek to disconnect us, is a radical statement that says:
“I belong and I deserve love and pleasure.”
“I will stay connected with my pleasure. It is love activism.”
“I will not support a system that keeps me small.”
“I will stay in my power.”
“My temple is sacred, and I will keep tending her.”
